Sensitivities to observe when visiting the disabled and elderly

When it comes to spending festive occasions and holidays with our loved ones, most of us immediately think of attending open house visits.

If it's not that, then it is probably that perfect opportunity to make some time to catch up with long, lost old friends in our favourite cafe – or doing whatever it is to have a good time.The recent Chinese Lunar New Year was a good example.

However, when I called a good friend of mine last week to ask her how she had spent her holidays with her family, I was left speechless! I couldn't help noticing her having a delicious good chuckle as she related her story.

Margaret has two disabled persons in her home: her young son and his aging grandmother. With both of them having to use wheelchairs in order to get around, welcoming the Year of the Goat – or any other animal signs in the Chinese zodiac calendar for that matter – can be challenging and complicated, she told me.

For instance, when her friends started their festive spring cleaning, she decided to give it a miss. As a result, Margaret received endless comments and questions from visitors to her home on why her ceiling and fans were not in a spick-and-span state to their expectations?

My friend's amusing and witty answer to them was there was no need for any "extras" as scrubbing and cleaning are what she does daily anyway, to make her home liveable and happy.

There is a mat on the floor in her living room all the time for her son to rest on. Special rehabilitation toys are also placed there for him to play with. Nearby are his stroller, walker and other equipment.

Whilst those without disabled children may find them "untidy" and may want to put them away, it is part of Margaret's child's daily life for instilling creativity skills in the lad. They need to be accessibleto the boy all the time.

Visitors to her home are forbidden to check out the store room in the house just in case they go into "sudden shock" upon discovering Margaret's collection. It's filled with wheelchairs, strollers, walking and standing frames, as well as household stuff like old newspapers.

Having two members with physical disabilities going out on visits to loved ones and friends is quite a task. As a caregiver, there are time limits to observe.

One needs to be sensitive as to how long before the disabled visitor tires from the visit and needs to get home. If you are away from the handicapped person for a while, you need to know when your time is up and you need to return home to him. And when you are with them you need to stay focused on the person you are caring for.

With such constraints, it made more sense to have the non-disabled relatives and friends come over instead. However, visits during meal times, rest and bathing and "toilet time" are best avoided.

Grandma, for instance, has become incontinent. She, however, refuses to wear a diaper. And it isn't easy to force an 80-year-old to do something which she is not used to doing. Even the doctors and nurses found it hard to make her wear one when she was hospitalised. So there are times where "accidents" occur.

Friends and relatives should understand situations like this, when they are paying visits to elderly persons.

Festivities always signal the abundance of food. Like all of us, the temptation to overeat or eat something which is unsuitable happens. For grandma, this can either end up with super low or super high blood glucose counts which causes her to feel giddy. Things become more complicated with loose bowel movements and diarrhoea.

When visiting people in such conditions, it would be tactful not to mention how someone's room may smell or look, considering their vulnerabilities and never forgetting that your roles there are as guests of the home.

Those playing with fireworks and firecrackers should have some consideration of how the loud sounds and bangs affect children and animals. Margaret says they are never allowed in her home. Her son gets terrified of the sounds. It wakes him up from sleep and starts crying and doesn't go back to bed until several hours later.

The insufficient sleep even makes him go into seizure attacks. The loud sounds goes on almost daily for about a fortnight, making sleep a nightmare for the boy. On top of this, she also has to calm down her two pet dogs who are equally terrified by the firecrackers.

So this is how it was for Margaret and her family and how they managed to cope and survive during the holidays.

Despite what she has to go through every day in her life, she is never one to complain about it. Margaret says she just wants to make people understand that if you are living with people with disabilities, there are certain challenges – as well as sensitivities to look out for – which people go through in life that require some special understanding and support.

Although Margaret herself has been suffering with some persistent back pain lately, she says she enjoys cooking, eating, entertaining people and meeting new friends. Then there are always those moments when she enjoys a cuppa over a nice comedy on television, or have a few friends over with food from the shops in order to chat and laugh away a couple of hours, especially when there is a holiday.

Otherwise, it's on the daily go for appointments and regular follow ups in the hospital, therapy centre and her son's special school. – March 16, 2015

* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insider.