Meet the guys with the deals

NOV 6 — They are young, hungry, with a displaced sense of humour of the Beavis and Butthead kind. They come in all shapes and sizes, and always looking to "shadow" a public figure, preferably rich and connected, because they’re looking for a shortcut to not … riches, but a commission amounting to maybe RM10,000? RM100,000?

And as one told me recently, he would then spread his "assets" throughout the whole year, by getting sloshed at the Asian Heritage Row, spending time at the mamaks nursing a hangover and trying to talk tough to chicks, and yeah, shadowing another public figure for some small project. And yes, everyone is a potential connection.

Oh yes, these brokers come in all colours. I've met the young Chinese brokers, very eager for the hunt, and very wily. Some are handsome, and some look like upgraded Ah Bengs. I’ve met the Indian ones, with odd accents and flash ties, who have dropped deals here… there… and I end up thinking, sure. And I’m Angelina Jolie.

But it is the Malay brokers who fascinate me and the reason could be simple: I keep attracting these guys. For the life of me, they actually believe I have the contacts, and I don’t. I’m a writer for heaven’s sake. I sleep at 9.30 every night. I’m not important business-wise. But I entertain myself by going to "business meetings" at, the most upmarket, Starbucks, and middle ground, Devis in Hartamas.

“Why don’t you just get a job?” I asked one.

“Ingat keje tu boleh kaya ke?”

We all know you’re not going to get rich easily in Malaysia. You really do need the connections. If you’re a woman, if you have some looks and adjustable morals, you either become a second wife or a kept woman. You can become a corporate high-flier, but if you do not have the patience, or want to brown nose, or even have the smarts to go to the top, it’s not easy to have SOME savings in the kitty. Unfortunately in Malaysia, you need to make deals to gain some respect and money to live on in your old age.

“Are you sure you’re going to get this project?” I frowned.

“Oh I’m VERY close to this (neophyte and small-time) politician and he is the SECOND COUSIN to the director of the board who knows the PA to the CHAIRMAN.”

“Are you sure you’re going to get this project?” I asked again.

“Urm. Kita kena tender dulu…”

“I want to go home now.”

We all know of successful brokers. They’re usually very low key, well at least the ones I know. Their vices? Nice cars. Maybe the odd woman or so. But most of the time, they shun publicity and there’s no theatrics when you talk to them. They fly in and out of the country.

But the small-time brokers — I do not know if they merit pity or disgust. I suppose the former would be more apt, because it’s not easy to crack a deal. Their confidence is shaken when a small deal does not come through, but they have to play the part. They gotta look cool. And in comes an old classmate who has done very well for himself — you think they’re not envious?

The odd thing, despite the gaffes, they actually think they are it. There’s one overweight broker my friends and I know. When he is with his friends, he name drops like anything. He tells everyone he has the most expensive CD player, and he clubs with the "hi-so" (high society).

He has meetings after meetings and no one can find him during work, but because he’s such a smooth talker, he’s still holding a job. And one day we met, because he had access to federal funds which could benefit the shelter I volunteer at.

“You want a 10 per cent cut from the funds if we get the grant from MOSTI?” I squealed.

“I have two wives, Cik Dina. I need to support my family.”

“What you do with your personal life is none of my concern, as well as your budgeting methods. I’m doing all the donkey work, and you want a cut from a grant? This is an NGO OK?”

“Alah Cik Dina…”

I have also met one young Malay broker who I think in the next five years will go very far. He has a Chinese sifu, speaks impeccable English and is well-dressed. When he talks, he articulates his ideas well, and everything is placed on paper. He knows when to talk and when to be silent. One can smell success on him.

However, he is one of the very few. The other brokers I have met ape bad American TV shows when it comes to speech, big dreams and they think waking up at 10am is way too early. And it is sad. After a while you get to know these young men and that despite the showmanship, they are like all of us.

They too want to be admired; they too want to provide for their families. Kalau ada girlfriend, macam mana nak nikah kalau takde harta? And like all men, they do want a decent car. It’s not wrong to want all these. We are human. We have desires.

Can you imagine these young men at 40 years of age, still dreaming of the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Sampai bila nak jadi broker? Of course they know people think little of them. But like us, they have to wake up in the mornings and make a living, however suspect it may be.

The writer is still cringing from her Dungun contractor-admirer ordeal.