The Raya that was

SEPT 28 — It started with my seeing from afar, a friend of my mother’s, with a bag of multilevel marketing products, at the gate of a link house.

MLM marketers are not an uncommon sight, but seeing a woman, close to her 70s, selling supplements, was a jarring sight. One could say that she was a symbol of industry, for even at her age, she was still active and working. Didn’t work stave off Alzheimer’s? But the point is precisely this: at her age, shouldn’t she be resting and enjoying the fruits of her labour?

What a sombre Raya. I see some friends of my parents and older relatives, not just depending on their children’s charity, but having to do small businesses, selling this and that. Quite a number have resigned themselves to the fact that they will die in debt, despite insurance. Old age, and health woes are their constant worry, and lack of money is their bedside companion.

The main question at the few open houses I attended was this:  Are we Malaysians destined to just survive financially? And that to earn an income more than RM8,000 a month would mean that there would be no work-life balance?

When you hit your 40s, all this comes to the forefront, and you wonder, as you observe the moneyed and beautiful young, and rich, whom a friend calls The Concession Generation... you wonder if you and your friends will have that comfortable life or end up in your 60s trying to sell madu tualang to your neighbours.

My friends and I — we come from every race and economic class — wonder if our efforts are enough. It’s never enough. There’s a child to feed, a parent to care for and yourself to clothe and feed. Living in KL and Malaysia is not about gathering wealth. It is about surviving. Sustenance. Perhaps we may not even be comfortable in our old age. Who’s to know?

Friends in the media have opted for the public relations route, and let their lives sap away as they burn through even more hours meeting deadlines and dealing with one crisis after another. Some have joined the corporate world, but in private, shake their heads at the ethics.

For us women, no matter how educated we are, how high we rise, in the end, some of us take that easier route: By dating well-to-do men, who often than not, are married. But can you blame them? Judge them?

Kuala Lumpur can be such a cruel place to be in. It is not your ethics and morals that will take you places. It is your connections, your status, your power and if you have it, beauty. When you have all that, you can do whatever you want, to the point of destroying others, but you are forgiven, because that is how it is here.

Hard work? Don’t be stupid. It doesn’t get you anywhere. It is at times like this that we question ourselves. Are our morals just too antiquated? After all, there seems to be no karma for the ones who erred. They’re the ones who will lead a comfortable life. Not like us, who will slog to our deaths.

Ramadan has been a truly interesting month. A friend who has worked so hard to attain the little she had, lost everything except her looks. A good girl, as we say. Faced with a family to support, she asked me what I thought of her becoming a mistress to a wealthy man.

When I was in my 20s, I would have cut her off from my life. I am now in my 40s and have seen enough.

“Whatever you decide, don’t tell me. You’re a big girl now,” I said. I am not god. Who was I to judge, when if fate may play a joke on me and I may face similar circumstances?

Well-meaning friends tell friends and me this.

You got to learn to position yourself, play the game. You can’t think of the other person’s family; your family comes first. Kill.

You have some face, flirt je lah. Apa susah? Bukan you tidur dengan dia pun.

Late at night, our Blackberries ping messages. We discuss our work, debts, savings, everything. A friend texted to say he prayed so hard, his forehead was getting black. He didn’t think his prayers would be heard in Malaysia.

“Kita cakap je Malaysia ni negara Islam, tapi tengok lah! Aku tak minum, aku tak zina, aku kerja keras. Tapi aku bodoh, tak reti office politik. Sebab tu aku berhutang, jaga family aku.”

Ethics. Most of us walk away from what is not right. But is it to our personal detriment?

* The views expressed here are the personal opinion of the columnist.