A clarion call for male feminists

The celebration of International Women’s Day in Malaysia will now always be overshadowed by the tragic and unfortunate incident of MH370. The tragedy jolted me personally and not only taught me to always cherish our limited time alive, but most of all, it serves as a reminder that almost anything can happen in this fragile world of ours.

Further, MH370 also reminds me that as a Malaysian, I am responsible for and must continue to put in the tireless efforts to achieve a better nation for all.

And as a Malaysian woman, I celebrated IWD this year by running a full marathon and joining in the discourse on feminism.

I have mentioned this countless times before, but there is a need to continue mentioning it –we are far from having equal rights and sometimes, I see the need to remind everyone that first and foremost, we are all humans.

The most sexist comment that came from the MH370 tragedy was the statement on how such tragedies can be avoided if the female crew members were only to have been more covered up. I take this personally, as MAS stewardesses are synonym with their batik kebayas, and if you look around, how many other corporate entities celebrate such a rich representation of our Malaysian culture?

While my brain hurts just trying to make the logical and rational connection from not only the statement itself, but how can such a statement come from educated Malaysians, I came to the conclusion that this is a deep-rooted problem in our society, and not just a conspiracy theory borne out of expression of grief or disbelief that such a tragedy can befall our nation.

Such sexist statements can only come from people who have no respect for equality between the main genders. Such misogynistic, chauvinistic statements can only come from people who objectify women, view women as “less than human”, a commodity to be made to believe that we need protection from men and only by men, and that women are to be victimised for anything under the sun.

Sad, that such ideology still exists in the world today.

Contrary to popular belief, feminists are not angry, men-hating, bra-burning, cat-obsessed women. Feminism has its roots in fighting for women's rights because historically women received unfair treatment by men. It is in this spirit that I think the new wave of feminism must include men.

While I applaud the men who have been enlightened and jumped onto the bandwagon by proudly declaring themselves as feminists, holding placards with the various hashtags #iamafeminist, #HeforShe, #LeanInTogether etc, such declarations must also be supported by actions in real life.

It has to start from educating young boys that gender expression does not and should not stop anyone from doing anything.

We must allow every child to find and grow into his own potential by supporting him, providing education and allowing discourse.

We must not allow child marriages to happen any more, but rather advise young couples to complete their education at least to secondary level. We must engage young people in understanding gender and sexuality, and empower them with sex education.

We must teach boys and girls about consent. We need to empower young girls that a no means no.

To change negative, condescending terms such as "you run like a girl" into non-gender centric, positive reinforcements of "run strong". That being emotional does not necessary mean weak, that being effeminate does not equal to one's sexual orientation. That boys and girls, and transgender youth, should be allowed to just be.

In our current society, where there are many who sought to sow the seed of hatred and distrust, we must fight back by pruning a garden of acceptance and kindness.

I believe that there are many men out there who would not stay quiet and idle if they see women being raped or experiencing violence.

I believe that there are many men who would protect and support their mothers, daughters, sisters, girlfriends, wives in all that we girls aspire to be. Some men even don running skirts and pace women in our full marathon efforts.

To these men, I thank all of you.

But we must also not turn a blind eye to men who still think that women are only household custodians, that any women who are out at night or wearing short skirts are inviting rape.

We need men to educate their fellows about sexism that violence against women is not only against any religious beliefs but also against humanity itself. That the view of women having to be hidden away and de-educated, that women are only for sex and a baby-making factory is outdated, disrespectful to humankind and should not be allowed to happen.

I believe that if men are also engaged with these efforts, then we will see a more tolerant society as a whole.

I believe that I will see the day when I no longer need to run with a pepper spray in hand, that my running skirt will no longer be the leer of catcalls. That I will be allowed to just be the woman that I am, imperfectly perfect yet allowed to be, to run free.

Malaysian men, are you with us? – March 11, 2015.          

* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insider.