Between being an ustaz’s wife and a heretic

I do not have a TV at home. Last weekend, I had the unfortunate chance of catching 20 minutes of a locally made movie shown on one of our TV channels and ended up feeling that there was a serious brainwashing of our society that was going on. Instead of feeling relaxed following the foot reflexology I paid for, I left the establishment feeling more disturbed than ever.

The movie, titled "Mr Istikharah", focused on a young woman who was portrayed as “choosy”, hence unmarried. There was a lot of pressure on her to get married as apparently her eager, younger sister could not get married to her fiancé if the elder sister was not married off first. The pressure seemed to come from their parents as said elder sister rejected quite a number of suitors, as she believed that she is meant to marry this celebrity ustaz. The catch here was that her housemate felt the same way towards this celebrity ustaz.

To the uninitiated, istikharah prayers can be performed by Muslims when we feel the need to be guided spiritually towards making a choice. It is not restricted to “who is my soulmate” per se. Both ladies here had apparently performed this prayer and were led to believe that marrying this ustaz was their destiny.

Personally, I don’t think there is anything wrong with seeking spiritual guidance in making big decisions in one’s life, and praying for something good and positive should be in our daily rituals anyway. But what irked me was the portrayal of these professional and capable young ladies in their pursuit of this celebrity ustaz. These women were portrayed as vile, not focused in their work and career, whose sole purpose in life is all about catching the attention of this pious man.

Worse, there was a scene where these two, sporting in beautiful hijabs, were squabbling on the office floor, an argument that started from having to contact the ustaz for a feature in the magazine they both work for.

I just could not take it anymore and focused on the blank wall instead, before leaving the establishment. I have to admit that I do not know the ending to the movie, perhaps the movie did end on a positive, female-empowering note; but I was just too disturbed from that first 20 minutes.

Why are women, in all our diverse shapes, sizes, choice of clothing, choice of being who we are, portrayed as mainly vying for the attention of men?

Why are women portrayed as unfocussed in our careers – these two ladies could be climbing the corporate and even the “celebrity Islamic preacher” ladder to be successful themselves, as opposed to only being a famous ustaz’s wife – and are working to just await the day we get married and get our husbands to take care of things?

Why are women portrayed as our own worst enemies, who easily bring each other down just to win anything, be it romantically or career-wise?

Do men ever think that they should be great husbands and love and care for the one woman they chose as their wife? (This author has no faith in polygamy.)

Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad in his keynote speech at the recently concluded "Women Extraordinaire Forum" was reported by the media to have made a jibe about gender roles.

He described that men should be trained to be house husbands, due to the growing number of women taking active public roles and high-earning positions. I have always looked up to Tun M, and my only reply to that is: "Why not?"

If a family would benefit from having traditional gender roles reversed between husband and wife, then so be it. Why the negative connotation to being effeminate or taking on womanly roles?

The trouble with not conforming to the majority is the backlash of being known as a heretic. Historically, women who dared challenge the controlling, often suffocating, systems of patriarchy are declared as witches and burned at the stake.

While I attended a conference on "Asian Women Empowerment (AWE’14)" over the weekend, where I spent my time with inspiring women from all walks of life making their own choices and following their own dreams, Sisters in Islam(SIS) was in the limelight for their challenge of the fatwa, that deemed the organisation and those who subscribe to them as deviants, liberals, and un-Islamic. Simply for them having empowered so many women who seek to understand the convoluted legal systems for Muslims in our country? Simply for them empowering more women to read more, seek to understand our faith and speak up?

I can never discount the desire to fall in love with a man who is one’s romantic soul mate, but I also believe that women should be able to be all that we want to be. When we are faced with adversaries, we must not simply be expected to kowtow and let it be. Allowing injustice to perpetuate is akin to us being bad Muslims, isn’t it?

I hope that there will be a new wave of brainwashing in our media – that of acceptance and tolerance, and of making positive impact in society. I hope that there will be more focus on the good work that women do.  I personally know housewives who band together to cook for soup kitchens and who run charity projects, and working women who are working very hard professionally and divide their time for family, knowledge seeking and charity. I sincerely hope to see a more positive representation of women in our media.

Is that too much to ask for? – November 11, 2014.

* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insider.