Fifty Shades of sex

Personally, I think the move by the National Film Development (Finas) censorship board to ban the movie “Fifty Shades of Grey” from showing in Malaysian cinemas, problematic. Banning a movie only increases public interest, especially since most people have been sharing the movie’s trailer on social media since last year.

Couple that with excellent marketing, Beyoncé herself humming sexily to the soundtrack and the release of the movie in cinemas worldwide on, oh-that-one-day-in-the-year-when-Jaki-thinks-everyone-have-sex, Valentine’s Day: it is hard-pressed not to pay attention to the movie.

Malaysians are a resourceful lot and let us admit it: anything that is not shown in our local cinemas can be downloaded online. For some avid fans of Mr Grey, they are willing to visit our neighbour down south (pun intended) to catch the movie on the big screens. Also, the books the movie is based on are blatantly sold in all bookstores and have been experiencing good sales figures.

As much as I hate to admit it Fifty Shades, like Twilight, is a global phenomenon that took over both bookstores and cinemas. Last I checked, the movie’s US opening week figures alone stands at more than US$100million.

Compared with that brilliant and moving autobiographical movie about Alan Turing, the man who invented computers and saved millions of lives by cutting World War II by two years, Fifty Shades made 163 times more than Imitation Game in both movies’ respective opening week!

I find it hard to believe that a movie about the sexual manipulation of a young naïve virgin by a wealthy misogynist jerk of a man can be more interesting than a movie that chronicles the tortured soul and the brilliance of a man who invented the device which I am using to type this article on – the device which would mean the end of the world as we know it if it was never invented.

Yes, there were no sex scenes in Imitation Game. But is sex the only thing that sells?

I digress. Driving to work every day I see advertisements blatantly displayed at traffic lights about devices, massages, and supplements to enhance sexual prowess in men and women alike. Malaysians have access to Pornhub even if they can’t watch Fifty Shades in the cinemas. Music videos and most advertisements subtly promote sex to appeal to the public. Even Facebook advertisements are not spared.

Indeed, sex is everywhere. Sex sells.

Being a scientist who works with sexually transmitted viruses, but single romantically – it is always a bit of a dilemma when talking about sex to my friends. Yes, I take the technical view when discussing sex, and perhaps my outlook about sex is limited, having not experienced love in that way myself.

But sex is natural to human beings. The closeness, nay, the intimacy of conjugal acts fulfil the natural human need to feel, well, loved.

And I am an advocate for having more love in this world.

I wonder if we can sell sex in a more positive way, and not merely through sex education in schools. We need to empower young girls and women of the need for vaccination that protects them against cervical cancer, to schedule regular pap smears if they are sexually active as well as HIV and STD testing if they have multiple partners, and to do breast self-examinations every month.

To empower young girls that if any person, man or woman, touches them in a certain way or emotionally abuse them to perform certain acts – that is child molestation and such persons should be brought to justice.

That rapists are rapists – they are not rapists because of the way women dress (loose or tight clothing, tudung-clad or not) or act or walk with their hips swaying or even use our voices to speak up against patriarchy.

That it is our bodies which bear children – so it is our choice whether we want to or not and how many, and at what age, when WE feel ready.

That our bodies are our own – it is our choice who we want to share our bodies with, again, only when we feel ready.

That no matter how handsome or rich or mysteriously dark and handsome a man is, if that person prefers abusing another physically, emotionally, or mentally – that is abuse.

Marrying an abusive person, or a rapist (remember Ombak Rindu, anyone?) does not absolve the act of abuse and rape that happened.

Such people should be brought to justice, regardless of how bright a future that person has, simply because they have destroyed another human being by their actions.

To empower men that there is nothing sexier for us women than having you respecting us for being who we are and what we want, and for you to respect yourselves and what you want, too. Sex can be an act of love, but it is not love.

Love is not about dominance, or abuse, or power – love is about friendship, honesty and accepting each other for the perfectly imperfect human beings that we all are.

“And we’ll have each other’s company. We’ll have each other’s minds. Sounds like a better marriage than most. Because I care for you. And you care for me. And we understand one another more than anyone else ever has.” – Joan Clarke, The Imitation Game. – February 25, 2015.

* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insider.