Rape is rape

A recent initiative by Pusat Khidmat ADUN Damansara Utama was a breath of fresh air in creating awareness towards rape.

While most other campaigns that caution on rape view women as victims who need to be careful and cautious about not inviting rape; this particular campaign finally shift the focus towards men and educating men that perhaps, just perhaps, all they need is common sense in not raping another human being.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eX0GNFMl76I&feature=share

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines rape as an act of forcing someone into an act of sex without said person’s consent, by using violence or threat of violence.

I personally think that Malaysians in general need a more holistic sexual and reproductive health education, particularly on rape.

More recently, rape was used as a threat towards Aisyah Tajuddin simply because some men do not agree with what was being discussed on the video she hosted.

Worse, a recent case in Semenyih found a young woman raped by a bomoh. While she was gullible enough to believe him that she could regain her virginity, it is not an excuse for the bomoh to force sex upon her.

It is still rape.

I wish that I can empower this young woman that any man who emphasize on her virginity as the sole reason to marry her is not worth marrying. If she does want a hymen reconstructive surgery, she should approach an authorised medical officer and it should be by her own choice.

Yet, my own experience of being threatened with rape was also complex.

Years ago, a girlfriend of mine started to have bruises all over her body. As we all share a common shower and toilet on each floor of our residential college’s block- these bruises became noticeable regardless of her efforts to hide them.

When asked, she answered that she, for some reason, keep falling down flights of stairs or bumped into everything she came in contact with.

Needless to say, I was inquisitive and finally found out the truth that her then-boyfriend was using violence against her.

I confronted him and received threats of violence and rape in return.

When I discussed this experience over the years, quite a number of people mentioned that I should not have provoked him. That, what he yelled in my face back then was true – that this was an issue between him and her; that I have no right to interfere.

The fact that men can throw these threats so easily is an issue in itself. Further, it shows not only a lack of empathy but also a lack of understanding on what is rape.

A quick search on Women’s Aid Organization (WAO)’s website refer to

Section 376 of the Penal Code, which states that whoever commits rape shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 20 years, and shall be liable to whipping.

While marital rape is not legally recognised, the new Section 375A states any husband causing fear of death or hurt to his wife in order to have sex shall be punished for term which may extend to five years.

I could not find specific statistics on marital rape, yet on average, there is a total of about 3,000 reported rape cases every year.

I wonder how many women are secretly suffering from Stockholm’s syndrome and not reporting marital rape.

A cynic part of me however feels that even if these women voice their concerns, no action would be taken against their husbands because well, when a man paid dowry to marry a woman, the woman belongs to him to do so as he pleases.

Let’s just say, with the cacophony of such misogynistic patriarchy, I will be single for a very long while yet.

Referring to the Malaysian Islamic kamasutra, “Permata Yang Hilang”; a husband is supposed to approach his wife with tenderness and love.

Logically, if you love someone, would you wish harm towards that person? I am not married, thus this is a topic I can only broach hypothetically, but in the instances of wives denying their husbands sex simply for not being “in the mood”, it does not give their husbands the rights to force sex.

Rape is not about sex, rape is about ego and power. I got too emotional watching the documentary India’s Daughter at the nonchalance shown by the men who gang-raped, tortured and ended up killing a young soon-to-be doctor because “if she is a good girl she would not have been out at night with a boy”.

That one of the men stated “… if she did not fight back, she would have still been alive”.

However, it is also not right to wish upon these men, rape. I am a big believer in counter-acting violence with love and the only way I can see a possible solution is by creating awareness about rape and violence against women.

Legalise marital rape. Having not only sex education, but also an overall humanist approach that emphasise on respecting a fellow human being.

Rape is rape. – April 29, 2015.

* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insider.