One man’s patriotism another man’s poison

Merdeka Day seemed a little different this time. It felt more victorious.

As much as many of us are fatigued politically over the institutional collapses of today, I find that Bersih 4 has inspired a sense of national unity somewhat dampened for the past few years.

With the darkness looming over the nation and some unsympathetically pick at the scabs at the dying pulse of our ideals – there is no denying that we are beginning to find our own national identity of celebrating patriotism.

In the light of the circumstances today, I find myself learning more and more about how each Malaysian defines the love for our country differently, whether it is in miniscule magnitudes or starkly huge.

On most occasions, this has resulted in conflicts regarding the aspiration of a better Malaysia.

I was not supposed to attend Bersih 4. In fact, I have written previously about the possible consequences that are detrimental to my prospects for the future.

It does not really help either to be surrounded by those encumbered with compulsive paranoia. Questions like, “What if a riot breaks out?”, “What if you get arrested?” and more dramatically –

“How are you going to continue your education if you get blacklisted?!”.

Indeed, some of these concerns did cross my mind for simply a splinter of a moment but rather it was this sense of guilt that plagued my conscience as I thought of my loved ones feeling so discomforted by the risks.

I decided that I would observe the rally from a safe distance and perhaps keep myself occupied with other activities.

If I could not be there in person, at least I could be in spirit and display solidarity.

The past couple of months have seen countless student events, especially since it is semester break and many talents have returned from abroad.

Most recently, the Malaysia Public Policy Competition (MPPC) was held at Sunway University from August 28 to 30 in which my friends and I were selected as one of the top 20 teams in the country. It gave me an excuse not to be involved in the protest as much as I really wanted to be there.

As the weeks were approaching to the competition, many things had transpired as well due to the growing tension between Bersih and those against it.

People were coming out to voice their opinions and offering analyses on civil disobedience affecting the social, economic and political dynamics of the country.

In the end, all these arguments boiled down to what constitutes a “true patriot”.

It was during my holiday in Sri Lanka that quenched my thirst of inspiration to identify the patriot that I wanted to be, especially after spending a couple of days staring at many ruined homes in Jaffna, their walls scarred with bullet holes and yet people were resilient enough to revive the economy in three years.

It made me feel truly felt grateful that we are making an effort to reclaim Malaysia through peaceful means of dissent.

We are moving forward against the current of regression, especially with the uprising of a constitutionalist consciousness that champions our freedom.

Some said protesting is “not part of the Malaysian culture” that is “a waste of time” because it deviates from the creation of productive results in nation-building.

Of course, these are easily disputed contentious points as, 58 years ago, civil disobedience remains as a vital part of achieving Merdeka in its push for constitutional reforms and instilling the Malaysian narrative.

History does not lie of “shallow and poor” patriotism.

However, the continuous propagation of an obliterated understanding of the journey to Malaysia’s formation seems to be the root of ignorance regarding the profound elements in establishing democracy.

It is in my opinion that the supposed propagators of these inaccurate interpretations are living in  fear that it can threaten the stability of positions in the corridors of executive power.

At the other end of the spectrum, others seem to go on the basis that “If you do not attend Bersih, you are a traitor!” which I find to be equally disheartening as it can come off as blindly extreme and falsely accusing.

It is an accusation that does not seem to take into the consideration of a person’s situation and upsets the respect of individual liberty.

I was compelled to think about this during the first two days at MPPC in which I began to feel this inevitably overwhelming desire to be with my fellow friends who are activists and make the numbers count as a symbol of defiance and the strength of people’s power.

These notions are those that are close to my heart and although I was a part of an event that was encouraging youth participation in the public policy, it still felt detached from my own formulation of performing my civic responsibility – my national identity – my sense of patriotism.

And so, when our proposed policy did not cut it for the semi-finals, the next thing I knew was that my bags were packed, and I was going to return home and head to Dataran Merdeka on Sunday with family (yes, to my own joy and surprise, my mother felt she could not live with herself if she missed Bersih this time around!).

Upon dropping out from MPPC, some people expressed their disapproval of my choice apparently because it appears as “empty noise” to enjoy the right to peaceful assembly that is not the more glamorous option.

The response is where the heart of a serious problem lies.

The existing culture of bastardising the different colours of patriotism defeats the purpose of our fight for a better Malaysia.

In order for us to collectively pave the way to progress, it begins with respecting each other’s freedom of expression as the one thing that truly matters is the shared love for Malaysia.

To me, it makes me want to put on a yellow T-shirt and wave the Jalur Gemilang and continue doing my part in healing the nation. – September 3, 2015.

* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insider.