Frogs get standing ovation from sold-out crowd

In
an underwater city hidden deep below the surface of Taman Tasik Shah Alam, two green frogs gathered their fellow frogs for a stand-up comedy in the capital of Frog Kingdom.

Speaking
to the sold-out crowd, Frogkasa chief and folklore hero Ibrahimovich bin Ali Baba had received several standing ovations during his stand-up comedy yesterday.

The
frog comedian was in top form last night as he delivered multiple classic performances. The  first standing ovation came when the crowd went hysterical as he spoke his legendary opening lines: “Don’t talk nonsense, I tell you. I… I… I… don’t talk nonsense, I tell you.”

After
the opening act, Ibrahimovich said he had recently had a tough time especially since he lost his seat in the past general election in the Frog Kingdom. It wasn’t until two years later that he decided to move on… by suing those who had caused him to lose.

“I
suspect those newspapers are sponsored by the Zionists to ruin my image and my fellow green frogs’ image, meaning you! They purposely make me look bad like a racist or chauvinist when in fact I am the frog’s champion!”

The
crowd giggled when Ibrahimovich said how much he loved frogs of all colours. “Remember the time I gave white angpow to yellow frogs during Yellow Frogs New Year? That just proved how much I care about the sentiments of all frogs.”

The
crowd continued to laugh as Ibrahimovich related what happened at the court proceedings. “Any video or report which purportedly shows me giving a racist remark is fake. It looks like me, it sounds like me, but it’s not me.” To avoid being accused of plagiarism, Ibrahimovich was quick to add that he had borrowed the line from another frog, Vikomilo Lingam.

By
the time Ibrahimovich finished, frog reporters were swarming to interview him. One young frog reporter was particularly insistent in asking if Ibrahimovich planned to contest the same seat again in the next election.

“Unfortunately
that’s not what frogs do. We jump from places to places.”

He
warned the reporter not to publish what he had said unless he screened the words in print. “Later send a copy to my office and after I approve everything, then only you publish. These days the reporters are very misleading. They put words back into my mouth after I have said it aloud. Don’t they know that after I have uttered those words out of my mouth, those words do not belong to me anymore? It is irresponsible journalism to be brave enough to report what I am saying when you know that I won’t like it on paper.”

Also
performing at the show was local frog comedian, Rinaldo Tee. He warmed up the crowd by telling jokes nobody laughed at. The only time he earned half-hearted applause was when he uttered his infamous two-word zinger.

“The
Ultra Kiasu is getting bolder by the day. Last week they claimed the biggest victim of them all: Insects Kandar Line Busy. How dare they take away the chairs and tables of that iconic stall filled with authentic green frog food, huge rats, family feuds, and licence disputes? This is an attack on all green frogs. We must teach the yellow frogs a lesson!”

After
the crowd jeered at his remark and yelled “Stop making everything racial!” Rinaldo was forced to tone down his rhetoric. “I apologise. I thought Sarawakian frogs are the only ones that would emphatically reject my racial rhetoric.”

He
confessed that he had initially assumed he was not self-delusional and that most frogs would welcome his unsolicited racial remarks. “I don’t know why, but frogs in Sabah and Sarawak don’t seem to accept us peninsular racists. I think they are generally less racist than peninsular frogs. Maybe that’s why I got kicked out the other day.”

The
two frogs bowed to the crowd during curtain call and had these last words to say: “We honestly think that stand-up comedy is quite fun. Maybe we should stop pretending to be folklore heroes or pseudo-academics and pursue full-time careers in comedy.” The one-night-only stand-up comedy was held to raise funds for Ibrahimovich to finance his lawsuit as he is currently unemployed.

Disclaimer:
All names are fictitious and any resemblance to real-life persons are merely coincidence. It may sound like him, look like him, but it is not him. – January 24, 2015.

* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insider.