In our pledge for parity, what does choice mean

"It was my feminist choice to have children," said a friend last year to my husband and I, when we were discussing our decision to be child-free.

It was not a statement that I have heard before, and it struck me as being a powerful statement on feminism itself.

This person, an amazing intersectional feminist, a social and human rights activist had made the choice to have children at a time when most of her peers were exercising their feminist choice to not have children. Needless to say, not many of her friends were supportive of her choice.

But, at the crux of it, this is what exercising one's feminist choice looks like – understanding the oppressions women face in this patriarchal system, in this case it being child bearing – and the choice that is made is not the product of societal pressure on women to be mothers.

It is important to remember that not all choices made by feminists are necessarily feminist choices, and it is important to know the distinction between feminist choices and choices that are passed off as feminist, or another term that we hear a lot – women's empowerment.

In Nisha Pahuja's award-winning documentary, "The World Before Her", the word "choice" is heard over and over again, and at times, if examined in a vacuum without looking at the larger contexts, these soundbites can seem almost feminist.

The documentary which takes a look at two worlds of Indian women's realities – that of a Hindu fundamentalist camp for teen girls and young women, and the other the Miss India beauty pageant camp.

On both sides, the young women express that it is their choice to participate in the camps, and yet we see them being subjected to activities and teachings that are in conflict with their own principles or philosophies.

Over in the fundamentalist camp, the documentary follows one of the young women leaders – Prachi who embodies all the teachings of the Durga Vahini camp. Prachi, who has been attending the camps for most of her young life, is an ardent supporter of the militant group and takes pride in its teachings. Her dream is to become the future leader of the camp, and to pursue her career in the Durga Vahini, she has decided that she does not want to get married and have children.

Yet, one of the main tenets of the Durga Vahini is that women must get married and have children for that is their purpose on earth. Even Prachi's father spews his misogynistic ideology by declaring that women should get married by the age of 25 because once women hit that age, they cannot be tamed.

However, for Prachi, who does confess feeling at odds with her assigned gender, that career as a militant leader is her only path towards escaping the expectations placed on her as a woman.

On the other extreme, the contestants of the Miss India beauty pageant, for all their claims of exercising their freedom as modern Indian women and having the choice to pursue a career and the life they want, we see them coerced into doing things that they are clearly uncomfortable with.

In one scene we see the Miss India contestants being subjected to painful cosmetic procedures, and one of them forcibly being injected with botox and fillers despite saying no over and over again.

When we see the young women of the Durga Vahini camp marching the streets carrying weapons and declaring their allegiance to Hindu India and that they are ready to kill for their religion, and the Miss India contestants cat-walking on the beach with white sheets covering their faces and torsos so that their naked legs can be judged, it is evident that what these women think is choice is nothing but the pervasiveness of patriarchy and how they have been systemically conditioned to think that this is what the freedom of choice looks like.

As women, often times the choice we make are not because we have options to choose from, but because we have to.

We make the choice to wear makeup to work not because we want to but because women are expected to look a certain way that is deemed suitable for professional women. We accept lower pay than men for the same job when we choose to pursue a career, not because we have a choice but because if we want a career, we often have no choice but to accept the pay given.

Women over the world are forced into low paying jobs, forced into abusive relationships, forced to adopting certain ways of life and thinking while being told that they are exercising their choice.

In light of the recent International Women's Day (March 8), as we pledge for parity, perhaps we should take some time to examine whether the choices that are made available to women are in fact empowering women or are they merely systematic oppression branded and sold as such. – March 13, 2016.

* This is the personal opinion of the writer, organisation or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insider.