Malaysiaku, the greatest country in the world

As a kid, on extended family visits to India, I remember getting into verbal fights with my Indian cousins. Most often the fights would revolve around Malaysia vs. India – which is the greater country.

I was the outlier in the fight, born in India but fiercely loyal to Malaysia, the country which was home to me. Even my Malaysia-born younger brother used to give me a hard time when we had our childish fights. “Go back to India lah” has and will always be a slap for me because of what Malaysia is to me. It’s as though I am infused with Malaysia, and it is an essential component of my being.

But I can also say that about India. Despite having never lived there and not stepping on its soil in almost two decades, I have a strong pull towards the motherland. I grew up on stories of life in the old country, of places and people that I may never see, but have come to know well, and of family histories that seem farfetched only to be proven right.

The 1947 Batwara or Partition of India and Pakistan was talked about more in my house than both the Japanese Occupation and May 13 put together. “It was Punjab that was torn apart, not India,” my Punjabi mother would say.

As a college student in the US, my heart would swell with pride whenever talking about Malaysia. I was a Malaysian foremost, Indian only by ethnicity. With only two Malaysians on campus, the both of us loved putting our Manglish on full display at social gatherings. That a Chinese and Indian coming from the same country (re: not the US) and speaking in a weird language (re: not American) blew many minds. “We come from Asia’s melting pot and the land of the Petronas Twin Towers,” we would proudly proclaim.

But having transitioned from an awkward youth to an equally awkward young adult in the US also firmly planted a seed of love for the country. It was a welcoming home during some of my most troubling times; the land that allowed me to rebel against the norm, to explore my identities and to learn that I had every right to my opinions and beliefs. Here I learnt that the personal was political, that my decisions and actions have larger consequences and as a resident of this world, I have a responsibility to my fellow people and the environment.

A friend used to tease me that it was the liberal arts education I received that was talking. Until today, I value everything I learnt in the classroom and from my adventures and misadventures in the US for they have contributed to making me into the person I am today.

Returning to Malaysia on the cusp of adulthood (re: mid-20s), I was thrust into a familiar country that was suddenly more open and vocal. Family gatherings took on a political turn, one that I had come accustomed to in the US. For the first time in my life, I saw Malaysians talking openly of politics and the tyranny of the elite. It was no longer hush-hush; no longer vote BN for state and vote DAP for federal. It was political proselytization as I have never seen before. We had Hindraf and Bersih; Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim was no longer the Indian-hating politician, but the man who would herald in a new era for Malaysia.

Our next door neighbours, Malay men in their mid-20s hailing from kampungs in states such as Kedah, Kelantan and Pahang, would engage us in discussions of Pakatan Rakyat vs BN. When the Anwar fever was at its high, I would join them in the fervent reverence of the man. The new Malaysia was thrilling for the grown up me who had participated in protests and rallies around the US Presidential Elections of 2004.

Yet the highs of post-March 2008 would give way to the turmoil of post-May 2013. It seems like we are in a never-ending roller coaster, only difference being instead of climbing up at intervals, the track spirals lower and lower. Each time I think we can go no lower, something comes around to prove me wrong.

I began to look for comfort in the political turmoil of “Game of Thrones” and “House of Cards”. Truth was indeed becoming stranger and darker than fiction. It is more hopeful to rally for Jon Snow than for Anwar; it is more plausible for me to place my hopes on Claire Underwood rising against the tyranny of her husband than on the now-defunct PR taking on BN.

I may love other countries, but Malaysia will always be the greatest country in my eyes. It is the land where our ancestors came to build something “Truly Asia”. It is the land that gave me the best years of my life, the country that took me in when I was just 40-days old and raised me as one of its own. It is the land I have chosen to call my home. It is my Malaysia, and it is my right as a citizen to question the tyranny and ineptness of the current government.

So if I feel ashamed, it is not of Malaysia, but of the tyrants lording over it.

If I feel betrayed, it is not at Malaysia, but at the traitors who are running it to the ground.

If I feel anger, it is not at Malaysia, but at the liars and thieves who are plundering its land and people.

If I feel disgusted, it is not at Malaysia, but at the crooks who are enabling and protecting the desecration of it.

If I clench my fists in rage when the “Negaraku” is played, it is not because I hate Malaysia, but because I hate how those in power have systemically obliterated the promise of Malaysia.

If I end my article in tears, it is not because I am sad to be in Malaysia, but because I mourn for the injustices my country has to endure before it can see the break of light. – July 12, 2015.

* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insider.