The economics of having a baby

I have a confession to make. I am childfree-by-choice. I’ve been married for four years, am in my early-30s and I do not plan to have a baby in the foreseeable future. My biological clock is probably dead, and I have such deep-seated commitment issues that each time my husband raises the dreaded question, “When should we get that kitten we’ve been talking about?” I start listing all the reasons why we should not. The main reason being that I would probably stop cleaning out the kitty litter after a week. But a baby is not a kitten, you say. I hear you. Raising a baby takes more responsibility than raising a pet, and I do not see myself doing so.

I may sound flippant about my decision to not have a baby or start a family, but as always there is more to any decision than what we tell others. Just last Sunday, at a panel discussion on women and work, I shared with my fellow panellists and audience that for my husband and I, we just cannot “afford” to have a baby or raise a child.

For one, the cost of living is steadily rising but our wages are not. We may have a household income above the national average but we also have loans to pay off, parents to semi-support and a lifestyle that, while far from being indulgent, is what we feel is comfortable. Looking at our monthly budget, we do not see the room for baby-supplies and care.

As parents, it is natural to want what is best for the child. This includes the best in education, the best in nutrition, the best in exposure, the best in skills… you get the picture. Let’s not even go to the best of the bests; let’s look at basic childcare costs.

In iMoney.com’s article “How Much Does It Cost To Have A Baby?”, it was estimated that the total cost for the first year of a baby was RM24,500 if the baby was sent to a day-care or babysitter and RM15,500 if it was not sent to a day-care or babysitter. The article goes on to say that the cost can come down if pre and post-natal check ups and the delivery are done at public hospitals.

Mind you, these figures are pre-GST estimates. I am sure every one has seen the “Cost of Parenthood Post-GST” infographics that went viral last week.  All other basic necessities for a baby other than infant formula milk will be taxed. This includes diapers and cloth napkins, baby shower, shampoo and oil and even diaper rash cream! As for the pregnant mothers and lactating mothers, your vitamins and supplements will be taxed, and when you resume menstruation, all your sanitary necessities will also be taxed.

Then you have the all-important issue of childcare, which you could outsource to a third party (day-care and babysitters); your family (in laws, parents, etc.) or you could do it yourself. Except in order to take on childcare yourself, it might mean quitting your job. For me, all the options are out. My parents are both working, my in-laws live a few hours away and we cannot afford childcare services nor afford to be a single-income household.

This is just the financial aspect of having a baby; I have yet to get to the emotional cost of childcare. Many times have parents told me that I am missing out on life’s greatest joys by not having children. While it may be true for them, for me, waking up each morning and looking forward to the day is already a big achievement.

Having been diagnosed with clinical depression at the age of 21, I have spent the last decade navigating through my episodes, avoiding major relapses. I barely survived through the first couple of years of my marriage, a period of turmoil and heartache which inflicted as much emotional pain on my husband as it did on me as he held my hands through the thick of it. I am quite certain I would not be able to survive through a pregnancy, and even if I do, I would not wish it upon my child to ever see me go through my depression spells.

How often do we consider the various costs, implications and expectations that come with having a baby? Convention may decree that a woman has not attained her full potential if she does not become mother, but at the end of the day only you can decide the viability of you having a child.

I was once told not to worry about the financial burden of having a baby because “once you have your baby, the money will automatically come”. How so the auntie conveniently omitted.

But then again, finance is not the only factor to weigh when deciding to start a family. For some, like me, the emotional and psychological cost could be beyond what they can “afford”. – March 22, 2015.

* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insider.