MH17: It’s not easier the second time around

Being at the departure floor at the Kuala Lumpur International Airport in the early morning of July 18 last week brought a whole lot of memories flooding back.

The memories weren’t from very long ago – only about five months, to be exact. Maybe that’s why they were so clear. Or maybe because it was just so intense.

As the whole world already knows, Malaysia Airlines flight MH17 en route from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur was shot down and crashed in Donetsk, Ukraine.

And the memories I had from five months ago were of Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 which went missing en route from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing.

I covered both incidents for the news station that I work for quite intensively. And it was definitely a déjà vu moment if ever there was one so clear.

My brother, Aizyl Azlee, who is a writer, and I produce a weekly podcast where we talk about issues regarding the media but in a tongue-in-cheek and satirical way.

In our latest episode, he asked me if things seemed smoother this time around as compared to five months ago. I thought it was a strange question, but I answered it.

What was depressing was the fact that everyone from the media already knew how things were going to be handled and knew where to go.

It was like we knew where the press conference was going to be and where MAS was going to gather and brief the families.

So in a way, experience made things go smoother. But unfortunately, it was only a smoother process. Emotions and feelings were a separate thing altogether.

Although I had seen it all before – the families and friends arriving looking distraught, clueless, afraid, sad and angry – it still made me sick to the stomach.

It also made me sick to think that I knew where to wait to see the family members arrive and the best place to be to get the right visuals.

I saw an elderly lady who had lost her daughter, son-in-law and three grandkids. I saw two women who had lost a sister. I saw a whole lot of people who had lost a whole lot of someones.

It upset me five months ago and it upset me again on July 18 last week at the same spot at the Kuala Lumpur International Airport.

I texted a friend of mine who happens to be one of the lead psychologists from MERCY Malaysia who is providing counselling for the MAS staff.

She too was going through a tough time. Although she was counselling the staff, she had also lost someone dear to her – a former student of hers had been on the plane.

I told her how I felt about the whole thing and she told me how she and her team (who also knew her former student) were coping.

She asked me if I wanted to meet up in person and have a chat and if that would make me feel better. I said no and that it was okay since writing is therapeutic for me.

Somehow, these two incidents involving MH370 and MH17 have affected me more than all the conflict and war zones I have been to over the years.

I know as a journalist, I need to keep a distance from the stories that I report in order to maintain a certain objectivity and be the so-called fourth estate.

I also know that it is my responsibility to tell these stories to the public so that there is a connection with society and for people to be informed.

But it doesn’t make it any easier. – July 25, 2014.

* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insider.